I hate you - Frerard 7

Well, go on then.
I’m trying.
You know what you need to say, just say it.
I can’t…it’s difficult to put right.
Or maybe you just feel insecure saying it?
That’s ridiculous! I wouldn’t have kissed him and told him I needed to explain if I did.
Gerard let out a short breath, still silent as Frank glanced curiously at him. “Gee… uh, we can talk things over later if you want…”
“Oh, no no… sorry. I’m trying, really, I’m just struggling for what to say…” Both men paused and locked gazes. Gerard bit his lip gently. It didn’t help that Frank still pressed a hand firmly to his thigh. No, that was driving him crazy.
Say it, Gerard.
Say what?
You know what!
“Er…well, obviously the whole Lyn-z thing is… well, it’s not really a ‘thing’…it’s a marriage…” he pursed his lips. “I never thought I’d have to go through divorce but…”
Frank tensed. “What? You’re getting divorced?”
Gerard pulled a face, leaning back a little. “Well… I know I love Lyn-z, but I love you more, Frank..”
Listening to the other let out a gasp, Gerard tensed in turn.
Oh no, no. He didn’t think I was going to be with him…
“Oh… I thought..” Frank swallowed lightly, smiling gently. “Gerard, you know how much I love you… actually, no. I haven’t even told you properly… I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. Not just in this way either. You’ve always just…been there. Whenever I needed you. I love you more than I can explain..” Gerard smiled back, opening his mouth to talk. Frank pressed a finger over his lips before he could. “But… I don’t expect this, Gerard. In fact, I don’t want you to screw things up. I’ll still be moving out…and you’ll stay with Lyn-z. I know you love her more than you think. She loves you so much…offers you way more than I ever could…”
He’s… rejecting me, again?
For the right reasons, Gerard. You see the difference?
…No. No, I didn’t… expect this.
“You… don’t want to be with me? But…you said you loved me.” Gerard pulled away completely from Frank, shuffling back. “You said I was always there for you…. Let me always be there.”
“Gerard, I can’t… I don’t want to see you flush your life and future down the drain for my sake. I do want to be with you, more than I can say, but I don’t want you to sacrifice what you’ve got!”
Without another word, Gerard stood and shook his head, moving out of the living room. He made his way across the kitchen to the hall. Frank followed him quickly, tripping a little as he did. “Gerard, please… I don’t want to cause any hurt again, you must understand why-”
“What I don’t understand, Frank, is how you can be so stupid.” Gerard turned quickly. Frank bashed into him, falling back quickly. Gerard grabbed him by the waist just before he hit the floor and hauled him up, though kept him close to his chest. Frank could tell Gerard was angry, so kept his silence. “Have I not made it apparent at every opportunity that you are the person I want to be with? That I love you with all my heart? Or maybe it wasn’t clear?”
Frank shivered gently and Gerard tightened loosened his grip round him, pushing his shoulders back to look at him properly. Frank raised his head reluctantly, biting his lip as Gerard glared questioningly at him. “I would have thought, even you with all your idiotic ness, that it was obvious I’d want to be with you no matter what. I don’t care about crewing up my life. I don’t care about anything as long as I finally get to be with you… Besides…” Gerard let a small smile flicker on his face. “I let you go once, you’re not getting away again. I don’t care if I have to make sure we get caught, we’re staying together, Frank. As long as we both want it, it has to happen.”
Frank looked up at Gerard, eyes wide with shock. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then decided against and wrapped his arms round Gerard neck, pulling him fiercely into a kiss. Though surprised, Gerard soon settled and kissed the other back, twining his fingers into the others messy hair. Finally, Frank pulled back, a little breathless. “Er…well… That’s fine.” He let out, taking a step back and almost falling. Once again, Gerard stopped him but let him go afterwards.
“I’ll tell Lyn-z later. Can you go out somewhere whilst I do? I have no idea how she’ll take it…”
Frank gave a guilty frown. “I guess.. You can phone me when things have settled down…” He paused. “Gee, don’t let her down too hard. She’s such a nice person… I couldn’t handle it if you upset her too much. Be sensitive.”
Sensitive? I’m always sensitive.
Of course.
I am.
Right.
…Shut up, I know I am.
I guess that’s all that matters, then.
“I will… you know I love her too?”
Frank looked down then back up, nodding gently. “I know” he whispered gently. “I can’t stop that, though.”
Gerard leaned down and brushed his lips against the others softly. “No, but we can make it better. I’m gonna call Lyn-z now and ask her to come over…”
Frank nodded. “Right, I probably should go and tell work about my moving plans and arrangements and stuff.”
“Right, okay..”
Does that mean he’s moving and I’m going with him?
You haven’t actually established anything…
No, but we know we love each other and… I’d give anything to be with him.
Even your security, your wife, your happy home.
Yes, even that. I’ll be much happier with him. If I believed in that stuff, I’d say he was my soul mate.
Well, it’s better to be bi for your ‘soul mate’ than some fling, huh?
I’m not bi…it’s just Frank.
And Frank is a guy, you’re bi.
Gerard turned as Frank headed out of the front door, and snatched his phone from the counter.
“Lyn-z? Yeah… can you come home? I have to tell you something.” A pause. “No, I’m fine… just come, please? Thanks…okay, bye.”

Gerard could tell Lyn-z was anxious, and he wondered if he looked the same. She glanced at him curiously as he asked her if she wanted a coffee, obviously thinking it had been something important he wanted to tell her.
But it is, I just… God, how the hell do I tell her?
Just be honest.
Well I’m not gonna lie about loving Frank am I?
Once they were settled on the couch, Gerard gulping down his coffee quickly before putting it down, they faced each other and he tried to keep his nerve. “So, you wanted to tell me something?” She asked gently, leaning forwards slightly.
Gerard bit his lip, nodding. “Yeah, I did.”
Lyn-z studied him curiously, waiting. When he said nothing, she asked quietly, “Are you going to tell me?”
“Yeah, I’m just wondering how…” He paused slightly, sighing. “You know how I was really mad at Frank for coming back like that, uninvited?”
“You mean because he left the band before? Sure.”
“Yeah… but that’s not the whole reason.” Lyn-z frowned and glanced quizzically at him.  Gerard gulped. “Before we got married, even before I met you, I always wanted to be with Frank. Though he was my best friend, I always wanted more.”
Lyn-z had to stifle a gasp, but her eyes were wide and wondering. Gerard continued. “That never faded away, you know… just after I proposed to you, I knew I had to tell him. I didn’t expect anything from him, I just knew I couldn’t live with that guilt anymore. So I did, I told him and..” He cleared his throat, looking away. “We slept together… he never said he loved me back, or anything, but we did sleep together. Just a one-night thing…” He could see Lyn-z was outraged but carried on regardless. “But then he left. Without saying anything to me about it. He left the band, left to be with Jamia and stayed far away. He didn’t return my calls, he never answered the door when I tried to see him..” He’d skipped out what Frank had said after they woke up, but she didn’t need to know that.
“You can imagine how upset I was when he came to my door expecting me to comfort him when he had done that to me without explanation…”
Lyn-z nodded, seeming numb and not knowing what to say.
“Well… he told me how he was feeling, how confused he was. I forgave him, and as you know, we’re friends again… but… then Frank told me something…” Gerard struggled at this part, shaking gently. “He told me… he loves me. A-and… I still love him. We kissed and….and…”
Gerard took in a shaky breath as he say the tears well up in his wife’s eyes. “And I want to be with him, Lyn-z. He’s always been there… I love you so much, but you’ve got to understand how much Frank means to me…”
“What the fuck can he give you? If he did something as reckless as you say, how can you be sure he won’t do it again?” Lyn-z shouted at him, rising from her seat.
“He won’t. I know he won’t.”
“No, you don’t know! Gerard, I love you so fucking much, how can you do this to me? I thought I was everything to you?”
Gerard got up and followed her, watching as she cried and realising tears were running down his own cheeks. “I meant it, Lyn-z. I still love you more than anything, but it can’t work when I know Frank and me could be together. I need to be with him…”
Lyn-z spun round to face him, shaking her head. “You selfish bastard. Fine. I’m leaving. I wish you both the best of luck. You’re gonna fucking need it.” She shoved him out of the way and headed to the door, slamming it behind her before he had chance to respond. Staring after her, he let out a small sob, one turning into a fit as he crumpled and fell to the floor, bringing his knees to his chest as he cried and cried. Frank came in an hour later, finding him in the same position, shoulders shaking with silent pain.
“Gerard! Shit, are you okay? Gee?”
He’s here… but Lyn-z isn’t. What have I done?
Exactly what you wanted to do. You broke up with her.
But… I love her so much.
But you also love Frank.
I…I love Frank… right. I love him. More?
More.
Gerard lifted his head, eyes red and still streaming slightly. He flung his arms around the shorter male, sending him toppling over backwards. Gerard didn’t seem to notice and simply rolled so they were in a better position, wrapping himself tightly into Frank’s grip. Taking a moment to respond, Frank stared wide-eyed at Gerard. He hugged the other close to him, resting his cheek on the others hair, shushing him gently.
“I love you, Gerard. I’m sorry I put you through that..” His voice broke.
Gerard shook his head but stayed silent a moment, composing himself. “No… I love you too, that’s why I did it… I love you so much.” Again the older male paused, sniffling slightly. “Frank?” he asked after a moments thought.
“Yeah?” Frank asked, barely a whisper.
“You’ll never leave me again, will you?” Gerard asked a little uncertainly.
Frank took a moment to respond, seeming to think it over fully. “Not this time. You’ve got me for life.”
Gerard looked up at Frank with a small smile. “Good, because I’m never letting you go. Even if you try, you’re not getting away.” Before the other could reply, Gerard kissed him fiercely.
I’m so happy..
As the voice stayed silent, Gerard’s smile grew and he simply enjoyed the time he had with his boyfriend.